1. Eye contact, voice tone, touch (including nurturing-holding), movement, and gestures are actively employed to communicate safety, acceptance, curiosity, playfulness, and empathy, and never threat or coercion. These interaction are reciprocal, not coerced.
2. Opportunities for enjoyment and laughter, play and fun, are provided unconditionally throughout everyday with the child.
3. Decisions are made for the purpose of providing success, not failure.
4. Successes become the basis for the development of age-appropriate skills.
5. The child's symptoms or problems are accepted and contained. The child is shown how these simply reflect his history. They are often associated with shame which must be reduced by the adult's response to the behavior.
6. The child's resistance to parenting and treatment interventions is responded to with acceptance, curiosity, and empathy.
7. Skills are developed in a patient manner, accepting and celebrating "baby-steps" as well as developmental plateaus.
8. The adult's emotional self-regulation abilities must serve as a model for the child.
9. The child needs to be able to make sense of his/her history and current functioning. the understood reasons are not excuses, but rather they are realities necessary to understand the developing self and current struggles.
10. The adults must constantly strive to have empathy for the child and to never forget that, given his/her history, s/he is doing the best s/he can.
11. The child's avoidance and controlling behaviors are survival skills developed under conditions of overwhelming trauma. They will decrease as a sense of safety increases, and while they may need to be addressed, this is not done with anger, withdrawal or love, or shame.
12. The child may be held at home or in therapy for the purpose of containment and safety when the child is in a dysregulated, out-of-control state only when less active means of containment are not successful in helping him/her regain control, and only as long as the child remain in that state. The therapist/parent's primary goal is to insure that the child is safe and feels safe. The goal is never to provoke a negative emotional response or to scold or discipline the child but rather to help him to become safe and regulate his distress through the parents accepting and confident manner.